I've got a case of the mean reds

I am in an awful awful mood…and I don’t know what to do

I’m antsy

I’m grumpy

I need a change…I need something to change…

I want to run away but I don’t think that will fix anything

I’m mad at Maikol…I was finally going to tell him how I felt, let him know that all of this courting/pseudo-dating actually meant something to me….that the fact that he pretends to be amazed by things my mom says and he tries to relate to my brother and brings chocolates for Thanksgiving

It meant something…it means something…I like him, like really really like him…more than I have liked anyone in a long time…and I don’t think he really realizes it
And he decides at the last moment that we aren’t hanging out today that he’s busy with schoolwork…which is understandable I guess…but I wanted to see him…I am so mad at him because Sundays are always our days…we go to movies and we get lunch and we try to practice my Spanish and his English…and he didn’t even say anything until I texted him and then he just told me he was in Ketter all night and still wasn’t done and that we can hang out next week…well I don’t want to hang out next week…I had been prepping myself all day, giving myself confidence boosting pep talks about how well my confession of like is going to go…and then this happens..I want to hang out this week, I want to go and see the Blindside and laugh about funny stories over Chinese and then bam I was going to drop the bomb…let’s date let’s make this real…I know it seems like I flirt with everyone but I only like him…

It’s going to take me a long time to build my momentum back up…I even picked out a cute outfit and I dyed my hair brown again and had it in cute pigtails and I even learned to say “do you like me” in Spanish

I’m mad and I know I only sort of have a reason to do so…but I responded back to him and was cute and he said nothing…maybe he’s still mad about Thursday at Ricardo’s…I really didn’t think it was such a big deal…maybe it is…



NOTE: Me flirting with everyone is a problem…its how I’ve gotten through life…it’s how guys respond to me…I flirt a little and they do what I want and its all good…they’re happy, I’m happy and things get done…but I get it…when he is sitting right there its not funny and its not cool and it hurts his feelings even if he won’t say so and will only be passive aggressive and semi-not talk to me on the ride home…I’ll work on it…but he also needs to know that all of my friends are guys…I can’t help that…and he has to adjust to it…but I’ll cut back on the flirting just a bit..especially when he’s around