I hate feeling inky...it's one of those kind of like the blues but more like the mean reds from Breakfast at Tiffany's mixed with a general sense of apathy and unhappiness...I hate it, it doesn't come often but when it happens it ruins days...and well unfortunately this is how I feel right now
Allegedly I'm successful but it certainly doesn't feel like it...I guess I thought success would be better or more exciting, like the movies...instead it's more like Notorious B.I.G.'s Mo' Money Mo' Problems...
I've lost quite a bit of weight by now...I've gone down like four sizes...seven since I've been really heavy...it's weird I don't feel any more attractive though...like I think I always thought losing weight would do that...instead I'm thinking that 10 more, 20 more, 50 more pounds and maybe I'll be better...I guess I thought it would be different...and that suddenly boys would be all about dating me
Instead that is not the case at all...I told Drew how I felt...no response...I guess it's for the better but still it hurts, like we pseudo-dated on and off for 2 years...vacation together and being each other's plus 1 and then nothing
and then there's a new guy who seemed super into me Friday night but Sunday afternoon he's busy...maybe I'm being dramatic about this one...I mean people are allowed to be busy sometimes....it was just ill-timed with my case of the mean reds
add to that Cisco postponed our dinner tonight and well here we are...me feeling cranky
I suppose I should think about all of the things that could be wrong...I mean I could not have a job, and there are plenty instances of unrequited love around me (namely Eric and Chris)...and well I could be really unattractive instead of just a jacked up perception...idk
I just want someone to tell me I'm beautiful and take me on a proper date...I'm pretty sure this is my year...I mean people I never thought would have a boyfriend/girlfriend have one and well i just have a feeling my time is before the end of December...I just figured we'd start talking before then, I'm awkward so it takes some time to open up...I need a chance to get close to someone before the whole dating deal...
People keep saying that God will send someone when the time is right but how does he know the right time? And others say that you have to work at it to get to it, kind of like pursuing a job...something I am familiar with...I did stalk my current job for a few months...so do you pursue it or leave yourself open?
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