So as we embark upon Christmas, I can’t help but reflect upon the past year…things have been pretty crazy…if there was ever any year that has completely changed me, it would be this one. When I was in the midst of this year I wasn’t sure if all of the changes are the best thing ever or the worst…the boys I have crushed on and have sometimes crushed me have been pretty extreme…from Tommy who really just wanted me to be his f-buddy and whom I thought was going to Chris Brown me at any moment to Chad who slept with me but didn’t sleep with me… then there were the crushing non-romantically related blows…from Renee’s death to losing my job to being on academic probation to being on top of my game, becoming my department’s president, presenting at two conferences and being internationally known for my research…this has been quite a whirlwind…but I think I have learned some things…
Like how academically I can do just about anything if I really try…and that while everyone thought I was being flighty when I went back to school…it ended up being a really good move and I’ve never learned so much about the way things (and people) work
That just because a guy likes you doesn’t mean you should like them…if it seems too “honeymoon” period, and he seems to like you sooo hardcore, sooo quickly…it could be a “gaslamp” syndrome
That listening to that little voice inside whether you call it intuition or whatever…can sometimes be the best thing for you
Sometimes the things that seem the worst turn out to be better for you than you realize…like if I didn’t lose my job it could have been me murdered by those crazy boys…not that I think Renee deserved it at all but part of me…and I don’t know if this is selfish or not, but I am so glad I got laid off before they decided to kill her and jack the company van.
And that being unemployed and crazy strapped for cash has been enlightening…it has made me more resourceful and also made me realize what is really important…it also highlighted my shopping problem as I found over 40 things that still had tags on them or were never opened but at the time I thought I NEEDED them…all I really needed was my friends and family…I gave all those unopened items and excess clothing to the local City Mission…people could totally use them more than I can…who wants to spend Christmas with nothing right? Maybe someone will like all the scarves I gave away…
Maybe this sounds hokey…but I think I get now that I had to go through some crazy awful stuff because there are some pretty awesome things in the works…things are on the up…it’s like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel…I’m pretty sure that things are going to be coming up roses in about a month…
And as for the boy update…basically I just need to realize that anytime I say definitely I am usually wrong…
Like when I said I definitely didn’t like Maikol anymore…I was wrong…I am just so confused with everything…I think because I want to move into a new phase in my life, one that includes a steady boyfriend I just get mad when things don’t work out the way I want them to…but that’s my issue right? The other day he told me he liked me and apologized for being lame lately…I don’t know how to feel about it all…I like him I honestly do…but how do I know who is the right person?
The bottomline is I don’t know who to choose and I don’t know who would be better…all I know is what I want in a guy/relationship…
Being taller than me…I know that sounds ridiculous but when a lot of boys are same height or a little shorter you value height…for you girls who are 5’3 you have no idea
Being able to appreciate what I do…it may not make the most sense all the time, but it should be appreciated…it’s not just doodling
Being able to feel really comfortable and being able to talk about things without ever feeling foolish
For things to not always be sexual…that was the problem with winter break mike…all he wanted was to sleep with me…we could never even watch a movie without him trying to attack me…and while at times it was fun, sometimes I just wanted to be cute and hang out
To be both romantic and open with his affection, I don’t mean PDA specifically but never to with hold his affection because he is made at me, someone who is passionate and compassionate
For him to be smarter than me in certain aspects…so that our intelligences are complimentary, like I’m art he’s science or something like that
For him to be gentlemanly…like knows to hold doors, walk on the outside of the street, or take the lead on things, so I don’t have to…not to the point where I am a second class citizen who doesn’t have her own thoughts but enough to know that I am precious and should be treated as such
For him to not only be smart but to have ambition…because you can be a genius but if you have no direction well…….there’s nothing worse than wasted talent
To be open to try new things…like taking a road trip across the country to celebrate a milestone, or ballroom dancing or crazy modern art museums, traveling
Who knows I need my alone time sometimes and that I like to hang out with just my friends sometimes…that we don’t need to be attached at the hip 24/7…although in the beginning it usually is that way…
This is just a working list…sometimes it changes…and obviously I have to bring some things to the table….I just thought I’d make a list…this is the 3rd time I have made a list…someone once told me that once you make a list God will know just what to bring you…maybe third time is a charm?
Merry Christmas Everyone!!
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