Breathless

I don’t know why I didn’t see it before…why I apparently couldn’t see the forest for the trees

So ok here’s the update…I definitely don’t like Maikol anymore…I think I was hanging onto it for so long because I just needed someone to crush on and because he was relatively available…I think we’re better as friends…there just was never that spark that I wanted…we got along well but there just wasn’t that WOW factor…and there were times that he seriously seemed shady…I recently heard this phrase that rejection is God’s protection….while there was no real rejection…its there really…I’m not sure how this fits yet but I am sure that it will…there have been plenty of times that I realized I have dodged a bullet because the guy is not who I wanted, or who I thought he was…and I am really confident that this will turn out the same way…even if I am not certain how yet…

Plus there’s the whole Chad situation to deal with…this is the forest/tree reference

It’s like he was there all along and I never realized because I was so fixated on everything and everyone else…

So I suppose I should explain…

So Friday night was the Jingle Jangle which is the grad student holiday party…but first the evening started at the work party…Chad came and we chatted and took some pics together (if we’re facebook friends you can check them out) flirted a bit and then went to the next party…hung out there for a bit, grabbed dinner and then headed out to jingle jangle

Now the remainder of the night is a bit fuzzy and a bit disjointed because well I apparently got blackout drunk…oops

So apparently in the beginning I was excited/coy and then I was completely unlike myself I was open and flirty…but with only one person! Like wtf I am never flirty with just one person and there are like a bazillion photos of us either in forefront or background being cute together…and apparently really drunk
Throughout the night he called me sweetheart or “his girl” especially when Mike came around and was being a jerk...and he told me I was smart and funny and he’d miss me when I left and he said I had nice boobs haha…and he kissed me twice <3

So we go to a few more bars…he paid for our taxi which was lovely…he let me sleep on him…and held my arm close to his on the walk to Brian’s…I changed into my pajamas and climbed onto the couch with him and we slept face to face with our legs in a tangle and his arm around me…seriously had a lovely sleep…at one point during the night I opened my eyes and he was watching me sleep, or we just happened to have our eyes open at the same time, I closed mine quickly and and nuzzled into the crook that his arm and chest made and went back to sleep.

The best/most confusing part of the night is that he didn’t try anything!! Like I didn’t feel molested at all…actually it was nice…but part of me wonders why he didn’t try anything…idk maybe I have never slept with someone of decent quality
The next morning which I thought was going to be awkward and frantic texted Meg about…was fine…he joked and smiled at me…and we walked to our cars and went for breakfast…it wasn’t weird at all

So we parted…I passed out…stayed in that night and got ready for cookie day on Sunday

I was nervous about him coming…he didn’t end up coming which is okay because it was kind of lame…but he did text and we chatted for a bit

So Monday I was in the big lab…and he walked in, I think my heart kind of did a stutter step as he burst into this giant smile and came over…still no awkwardness…just a quick chat while he looked for a free computer

That night he hit me up on facebook chat and I talked to him for like 2 hours, while freaking out about the situation on the phone with Mel…apparently when things are going well I don’t know how to react…and there’s the whole he made his facebook default a picture of us that he cropped out of the group shot…when I saw it I almost died..like what? I mean people can see that like shouldn’t he say something to me before broadcasting whatever it is that we’re doing on facebook default photos?

Which brings us to today…we came into school at about the same time…as soon as he saw me he started waving and smiling…that genuine crinkle at your eye smile…and we met up in the lab…joked a bit and then I went off to chat with Susannah…I ran down the hall and when I came back he was at a computer closer to mine (I realize in writing this that in another situation this might sound aggressive or stalker-ish but I think when it’s the attention you want, its ok)

So he’s headed down the hall and I’m headed to studio so we walk out at the same time…talk about his exam and school and I realize that he didn’t take off and follow Kailee to her studio he’s walking with me instead and walks me to class…seriously the cutest thing ever

So the whole forest/trees refernce...well its because he's always been around but just kind of quiet...like he's supportive and sweet but never overtly flirty with me...and then all of a sudden I realize it...

That’s the Chad update so far this week…maybe there will be more later this week…well that’s what I am hoping anyway