If you don't look out for yourself...who will?

So I've come to a realization...

it's not worth it

I don't want to be with someone who makes me work for their affection...its not fair and I definitely deserve better

This was sparked by quite a few things that have been happening lately...

1) Just Wright--a movie starring Queen Latifah, who is the all around great homegirl who is always the friend and never the girlfriend (aka the story of my life)...the story heats up when she meets this amazing guy (played by Common) who is perfect for her and vice versa but he is interested in her gorgeous skinnier godsister (played by Paula Patton)...after the godsister walks out on him and he's left with no one else he realizes how amazing Latifah is but as soon as Paula comes back into the picture he dumps Latifah after wining and dining her as well as hooking up with her...she's crushed and he realizes how shallow Paula is and how amazing she is (this is the part of the story that never happens to me) and fights to win her back...they get married and live happily ever after...why does the chubby girl have to work so much harder? Latifah's character was amazing, smart, funny, down to earth, successful...like what the hell does she have to do to find someone worthwhile who thinks that she's worthwhile too

2) Reunion--just realizing im 10 years out is weird...there are some people who have between 2-4 people...some at least had relationships...there were a few of us who were single but I just really thought I would have been somewhere by now...seeing the boys was weird because they realized that they consider me as "one of the boys" so they can chat with me but then some hoochie comes by and its all over...

3) Cisco--this damn back and forth...he either needs to say how he feels or leave me alone...im done...he keeps planning days and then cancelling or telling me he's too busy...well he can go fuck himself...im done...if hanging out with me was important there would be time...and he wouldn't double-book days and then decide what sounds more appealing...I deserve more respect than that

4) Okoa--I have no idea...we have this amazing time and then he acts like he can't be bothered...well if thats the case...neither can I

5) Casey--so there's this kid at work, we started on the same day which helped us bond...and he seems like a really awesome person..I totally thought we could bond over our newness, we grabbed lunch together and then he asked me to help him with GIS...and he wanted to go to Allentown with me..I was like oh awesome!
So then he bailed on Allentown and then we met today to work on the GIS which basically was me doing the work and him taking the credit and all of a sudden it felt so familiar...all those times I wanted boys to like me I used what I had (brains) hoping that by helping them they would like me...and I suddenly felt very very foolish...this wasn't going to make him like me...it just made me a sucker..I was giving away my knowledge for free, to someone who would more than likely never reciprocate....it didn't work in 7th grade with my global outlines and it didn't work in grad school with land use management memos...all I ever felt was used...

So effective today...I am taking a break...it may be hard but it has to be done

All of this phony reciprocation in movies and TV has just messed me up...but the lack of real life reciprocity is even worse