I feel like so many things are changing and there’s nothing I can do to stop them…everything just keeps moving faster than I can process…
Life is changing, work is changing, social stuff is changing, everything is changing…and normally I revel in change but now its got me really stressed out and just feeling overwhelmed
I just feel like a year from now things are going to be so different I might not even recognize them…and I don’t think its going to be bad necessarily but I think that I might miss aspects of my old life
All of a sudden this idea of change had me hyperventilating in a full on panic attack…its been years since I’ve felt like that and then all at once it hit me and I knew I had to just let it all out
I like Maikol a lot and sometimes I think he really likes me other times I can’t be sure and I just don’t want to deal with getting my hopes up and being all ridiculous when its only going to be heartache…like I just can’t deal with it this time…and I don’t know what to do or what to say or how to respond…sometimes it seems so easy…other times I just think about how different we are…I mean we don’t even think primarily in the same language…things are so different, and sometimes I wonder if it’s not too difficult in the end…I mean maybe we’re just friends and then I’m getting worked up for nothing…I swear is it ever like the movies? I think that movies have completely warped my sense of reality and completely ruined pseudo-normal scenarios because no one busts into song, gets weak in the knees or finds out that they have some sort of magic connection in real life…unless you’re on drugs
Work is changing and I have a really awesome interview with LP Ciminelli and I really wish and hope for a real position with the company…I’m hoping that all the hard work and networking will get a position in Construction Management…if I don’t I really don’t know where I am going to work…I’ve decided I don’t want to get my PhD…not right now anyway…I just want to graduate and get on with my life, where ever I am going to end up…I hope for Ciminelli for a few years at least, so I can work and get on my feet and save for things and become a real grown-up…whatever that means
I am tired of school, I don’t want to meet for anymore meetings I don’t want anymore projects I don’t want to be on anymore committees or run anymore anything…it is EXHAUSTING being president…I have no idea how Barrack does it…I can’t even pee without people coming to talk to me…like seriously back the hell off…I have to hide and even then people are texting, gchatting, like I can’t just get away and no one ever wants to just talk to me, they all want something…I totally get when people say its lonely at the top
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