A Begger's Night Treat

So last night was another exciting “non-date” with Maikol…

I show up at Flickinger to see the guys in the parking lot all dressed like prisoners with $5 footlong shirts on underneath…I mean seriously? I feel like there is some joke about advertising your footlong as a prisoner but I can’t think of anything very clever….I have no costume because I had no idea this was a costume party…

We went to an Iranian Halloween Party…I have no idea how he knows all of these random people but we end up in Williamsville at an FW post filled with Iranians and some crazy bangra-ish sounding music…the boys are immediately semi-uncomfortable because guys dance with guys…and in a weird shimmy drop it low kind of fashion, Ricardo couldn’t handle it…he stuck to my side like we both swallowed magnets…Jose and Maikol tried dancing with a few people but mostly stuck to the wall. Suddenly a strange woman comes up grabs my hand and starts dancing with me…she’s new to the country and from Spain and she wants me to teach her how to dance like an American…except the way she’s dancing with me makes it seem like she wants to have my baby instead…also she asks how much Spanish I speak and am I from America (story of my life: everyone thinks I am Latino) so after awkward Lambada style dancing with some American moves thrown in Ricardo grabbed me for a picture…for that I was thankful

So we stayed a bit longer and then decided to head out on the town…
We started off near South Campus at the Steer….whores abounded…seriously Halloween is the one holiday where it’s socially acceptable for guys to dress as women and women to dress as whores…the Steer was kind of lame though and they charged $3 cover…seriously in Buffalo? Ummm it’s not amazing enough here to charge covers…especially since it was dead inside.

We drank for a bit and watched the parade of costumes go by, the boys tried guessing my age again…seriously why does it matter? I think Jose really wants to know because he just turned 29 but seriously should a lady ever tell her age?

So we’re hanging out by the window and Maikol looks at me and asks if I am dating anyone…I pause for a moment because I am thinking….”umm besides you?” but instead answer no and he high fives me….like we just won a game of foosball….and he says oh good because I’m not either….so of course you know my girl wheels are spinning…I’m thinking why would he ask? Is he going to ask me out for real? Was he dating someone else? But instead I just sip my rum and diet

The Steer was pretty dead so we leave for a new bar…as we’re walking out I start talking to Maikol about random stuff and then decide to slip the dating question in…well I ask why he asked me, I don’t ask him to date me…I’m not that ballsy…and he says “well I was kind of dating someone else but it didn’t work out, we didn’t have anything to talk about and she just didn’t seem interested” I feel like this should have been some AHA moment but instead I just feel more confused…he goes on to say that he doesn’t know if he even has enough time to really seriously date someone and I look at him stunned and he asks me what I think…so I say that I think he has enough time, with the right person it’ll work and it usually works if people are friends first…and then it’s his turn to just look at me…

I’m at a loss on this one…

So we head to Average Joes and its super packed so that’s always exciting…so we end up in the middle of chaos…when this random guy (dressed in an all jean outfit with his shirt unbuttoned) comes up to me and starts freak dancing me while I am just standing there drinking…I look at Jose and he just shrugs his shoulders and I try to scoot away

So we’re drinking and joking and taking pics…I’m getting super drunk at this point…and the random guy comes back and tries to put my necklace in his mouth (its short length so his mouth is closing in on my neck) while he’s asking if it’s made of candy and can he eat it. I am like horrified and push him back and he comes back in and Maikol pushes him away and says something..I can’t hear because everyone is screaming to words to Sweet Caroline

All of a sudden Bennert is behind me in a Scottish kilt and full ensemble and he’s all what are you doing here…I haven’t seen him since the July 4th rooftop party so I am pretty surprised as well. I look around but I don’t see his bff/partner in crime Doug (the former object of my affection) so I’m good and go back to dancing around when someone grabs my hand and tries to pull me away from the boys…this crazy ass drunk girl is all you’re so beautiful, come dance with me…and I think seriously is there a full moon, how do I get every weirdo within the metropolitan area …she won’t leave me alone so I pass her off to Ricardo and she is out of control…she is on the verge of crying drunk and keeps saying her friend left her and I tell her to get a glass of water because she is out of control to which she responds by falling on the floor. Someone helps her up and she decides to sleep on the pool table…good times
So I suddenly see Doug and I think WTF…I feel like I have to say hello and pretend things are fine…and then I realize I don’t need t pretend at all because things are fine, plus I have my posse of boys to watch my back

So we make eye contact and I wave and he comes over and shakes my hand and tells me how great it is to see me and what am I doing here and we talk about planning…all the whole the guys are standing like 2 feet away…so I introduce them and he tells them how I am the greatest person ever and I keep the planning department together and he wouldn’t have graduated without me (which is probably true, but another story) so then Bennert comes over and we’re all talking and then Doug play hits me and Bennert and walks away…like hits us in the face…seriously WTF

So I walk next to Maikol again and I tell him they’re from my program and that I can’t stand that kid Doug and he’s all “it didn’t look like you hated him” and just looks at me…I say I was just being nice but he doesn’t look like he is buying it…I kind of like the territorial look

The rest of the evening is a little fuzzy because of all the free shots I had…the guys didn’t like them so I drank them all…bad idea

We end up back in the parking lot at Flickinger and Maikol goes to drop me off at my car and I am like seriously you think I should drive and he looks at me and says no he’ll drive me home…so I look at Jose and say I can just stay on his couch for a few hours and he says that’s fine…Maikol says no I can’t stay there he’ll just drive me home and pick me up tomorrow to get my car. I say its too far for him to drive and he says its his job to make sure I make it home safe which I think is kind of sweet. So Jose drives my car closer to his building and we all chat in the lot for a moment and I get back in the car and ask Maikol if he’s sure and he says yes so we drive to my house, he makes me give him my address because apparently he assumes I can’t give directions to my own house (I’m tipsy but not that drunk)

I continue to question whether he really wants to do this and will he tell me a story (I’m feeling a little nauseous at this point) and he tells me to just sit back and relax and focus on the ride

So he tells me about his grandmother dying, I didn’t know she had been sick really, I knew she was in the hospital for surgery but I didn’t think it was dire. He simply explained that while he was sad she was gone but he was glad that she wasn’t suffering anymore…and then switched the topic to happier things…his mom coming and how I am going to be one of the first people she meets and that I’ll be able to speak to her in Spanish by then and she’s going to try to speak English to her and he’s going to take her to all of these fun places and wishes she could stay forever and his brother is coming to Colorado so he hopes he can see him…we talked about a few other things, nothing that sticks out and he dropped me off and offered to pick me up tomorrow for Jose’s birthday party

We’ll see what’s up later tonight

What's wrong with a cheese roll?

So an update on the new Mike..

So we have seen each other almost everyday…it’s kind of nice because he is really attentive and sweet like in a teasing but friendly way.Last night we worked in the lab pretty late and I ended up skipping the Steve Lopez talk because well I was exhausted and I needed to drive him home as he is still sans car…so last night we went to Wegmans and wandered around the store and grabbed some Chinese, and this is when I started my weird internal conversation. So he pays veryclose attention to everything I do and say and react to…which is nice but also a little off putting ya know? Like does he jot it down in a journal? I’m not sure…ok so back to the story
We’re at the Chinese bar and he is watching what I am putting in my take out container and when I look at him he’s like what and I’m all what? So I walk away…once we’re in the café eating he notices that I pick out my vegetables…I can’t help it they looked kind of gross, like sat under a heat lamp too long gross…and so he’s like oh you don’t like vegetables do you…and I’m like well just these and he’s all oh that’s too bad…and so internally I’m wondering if he’s judging my eating habits or just making an observation…

So we finish and wander around the store and we stop in the bakery because he’s looking for some weird frosted animal cracker cookie things…so I grab two rolls for sandwiches for school tomorrow and he’s like oh good for you and I look at him perplexed of course and he’s all you chose wheat they’re good for you…and I’m all well I chose wheat because white tastes like nothing…and he’s all because the nutrients are taken out…so I continue to process this…like I kind of wanted a cheese roll but I decide not to get it because I wonder if he’ll judge…like is it judging am I just being psychotic because I have food issues? Is he secretly counting the fat grams and calories and wondering if I make healthy choices? Or is he food obsessed because of his former chubby kid life?

The last incident happens after he gets a giant case of Guinness and we wonder past the soda and he says just ignore it, it’s not good for you anyway…and I stutter step because I am more than slightly surprised…like umm hello you’re going home to write a paper and get wasted and I can’t get a diet coke with lime because it’s the devil?
That’s the recap…it makes me slightly anxious because I like to eat what I want when I want…but I guess at the same time he cares about my health? I don’t know if I am trying to make allowances for him or if I am just overreacting? This is a normal girl thing right? To care about what people think?

I should also mention he has a giant whey protein mix container and giant bottles of vitamins in his apartment (along with pie and cookies, it’s a weird mix)…maybe he’s projecting his issues? Or maybe he’s socially awkward and was trying to make conversation? I have no idea…

So much for avoiding boys...

So ok let’s give a boy update...

Maikol: totally thought we were having a date night Saturday when he brought along another girl…WTF said she was a friend but I was livid and my back was still hurting from my graceful moment falling down a flight of stairs at Hayes Hall…so as soon as the movie ended I put on my coat and started walking out so he rushed and caught up with me and it went like this

M: Did the movie upset you?

K: No…

M: Did you want to go for coffee?

K: Why did you want coffee?

M: Well no but did you want to go?

K:If you don’t want coffee why would you suggest we go?

M: (long pause….looks at weird girl…lightbulb goes off (I think)…) Did you want to get lunch tomorrow?

K: what?

M: Well I figured if you are on campus and I am on campus we can get lunch. I will be there with just the guys

K: I’ll call you

And I walk away still annoyed and avoid a real hug goodbye because I am soo mad about the situation…as I drive past him I don’t even look and/or wave
So next day we meet for lunch and I actually meet him at his office… he’s all by himself..so it’s just the two of us for lunch…on the way to the commons he is falling all over himself to open doors and make conversation so we end up pseudo-making up…and somehow it comes up that I can speak Spanish better than I let on so he starts trying to get me to speak in Spanish and he offers to teach me better Spanish if I will help him improve his English…which is cute right?

So I bring up Boston and how I might go for the weekend (although at this point I already know I’m not going but I wanted to gauge his reaction)

K: So I might go away for the weekend to Boston to see some friends

M: Oh really…I hear it’s really nice there, very different from New York or LA

K: Yea I don’t know if I should go though…long pause…what do you think?

M: Well if I am answering for me…I want you to stay here because we can have lots of fun, go out for Halloween, have our Spanish/English time alone, and get lunch like we always do…but I understand if you want t go and have fun

And then he just smiles at me…and I decide there that things are okay
I should add in that after the movie debacle I went to my friend Chris’ house for some hysterical times and drinking…and I ended up drunken spooning with Eric which was hysterical and slightly awkward and I couldn’t help but wonder if this was his first foray into pseudo-relations with girls (I mean it’s very in the air)…all very weird…but I do enjoy a good spoon, especially when no one is trying to jam their hands down your pants

Cue the next boy….also named Mike…I can’t help it! Apparently its something about the name

So okay, new boy…in my grad program…totally nerdy cute…like glasses and dimples which is an adorable combination in my book…he has been persistent in asking me out for ice cream…like seriously three times…

OK first back story…I met him back in September at the GPSA program...he had a girl with him so I assumed he was taken…and then we went to see Tony Blair together randomly…and he was very sweet and charming and after that came the ice cream invitation…but I couldn’t…not because I didn’t want to but because he asked at the most inopportune times like when I was at a meeting or something…but he kept trying and he would meet me in the lounge at school to chat or would call me or chat on facebook…anything to show he was interested I suppose…so we finally went out Sunday after my lunch with Maikol (I know pretty pimp right? I feel like Charlotte from SATC when she tries to do the double date day, I’m hoping it doesn’t blow up in my face)

So ok we go to Coldstone…and I find out he is sick and doesn’t really want anything so I ask him why he didn’t reschedule and he just looks at me and says he’ll be fine and gives me that cute dimpled smile( like seriously why didn't he reschedule? because he's been trying for so long?)..so we spend like 1.5 hours in Coldstone just talking…like about likes and dislikes, funny anecdotes etc and I was like oh well I should go…but I have notes from a class I took last year that he is taking now so I end up at his apartment…we end up talking and drinking and hanging out until like midnight when I finally decided I need to stop the banter and go...I tried to leave like 4 times but he would bring up a new topic or offer me a drink...he mentioned we needed to get drunk together and then busts out beers..haha too bad I don't drink beer...

and its weird because it feels like something has changed…I’m not sure what …maybe we became closer instantaneously…he shows me pictures from back home and what he looked like in high school (he’s a former chubby kid, which I find incredibly endearing) and I get this whole glimpse into his life…at one point we’re in his room and it does seem contrived he just wants to show me more of his life, and he tells me plenty like when he was 12 and his family’s house burned down and how hard it was and family issue type stuff…from a psychological standpoint I wonder why he shares so quickly…or maybe I just take too long to share with people…I’m not sure but reasons people share so quickly…they tell you everything to see if you’ll get spooked and leave, because you want a connection so badly, or because you automatically trust the person you’re with…I don’t know a time when I’ve trusted someone instantly other than Meg and Mel…so its weird for me to think someone can bond so quickly

But we’re pretty bonded…he seeks me out around school and I find him (though I pretend I wasn’t trying to) and he pays attention to everything…in a way that almost makes me self-conscious…he notices that I pick the peppers and onions out of my lemon pepper chicken, or that my smile crinkles when I’m being sarcastic and he answers in an even keel when I’m being ridiculous in a way that diffuses my ridiculousness and he talks about us in the we…as in when we do X it’ll be Y…

So obviously I am confused now…

oy vei

Totally a Miss Cleo moment...without the Jamiacan accent

On July 20th I wrote this:


So I had a crazy dream the other night and you were in it...we both moved to Peru for work but there were no houses so we lived with like 6 other people real world style and then there was a flood and you thought you could stop it by turning the shower on...very weird...

In dream interpretation...

water=your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, emotion, love, knowledge, healing and refreshment. If the water is calm, clear, then it signifies that you are in tune with your spirituality. It denotes serenity, peace of mind, and rejuvenation.

flood=To dream that you are in a flood, represents your need to release some sexual desires. If the flood is raging, then it represents emotional issues and tension. Your repressed emotions are overwhelming you. Consider where the flood is for clues as to where in your waking life is causing you stress and tension. Alternatively, the dream may indicate that you are the one who is overwhelming others with your demands and strong opinion.To see a gentle flood in your dream, indicates that your worries over a certain matter will soon be swept away

shower= symbolizes spiritual or physical renewal and forgiveness. You are washing the burdens out of your life. Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor that you are "showering" someone with gifts or love, or you may be showered with love


I wrote this on LC's FB wall because he was the only one I could think of that fit into this scenario....weirder still LC is a spanish speaking engineer...now with the whole Maikol thing I realize he fits into the scenario not LC (which is good because the LC thing really weirded me out)

Does this make me psychic?

I feel like so many things are changing and there’s nothing I can do to stop them…everything just keeps moving faster than I can process…

Life is changing, work is changing, social stuff is changing, everything is changing…and normally I revel in change but now its got me really stressed out and just feeling overwhelmed

I just feel like a year from now things are going to be so different I might not even recognize them…and I don’t think its going to be bad necessarily but I think that I might miss aspects of my old life

All of a sudden this idea of change had me hyperventilating in a full on panic attack…its been years since I’ve felt like that and then all at once it hit me and I knew I had to just let it all out

I like Maikol a lot and sometimes I think he really likes me other times I can’t be sure and I just don’t want to deal with getting my hopes up and being all ridiculous when its only going to be heartache…like I just can’t deal with it this time…and I don’t know what to do or what to say or how to respond…sometimes it seems so easy…other times I just think about how different we are…I mean we don’t even think primarily in the same language…things are so different, and sometimes I wonder if it’s not too difficult in the end…I mean maybe we’re just friends and then I’m getting worked up for nothing…I swear is it ever like the movies? I think that movies have completely warped my sense of reality and completely ruined pseudo-normal scenarios because no one busts into song, gets weak in the knees or finds out that they have some sort of magic connection in real life…unless you’re on drugs

Work is changing and I have a really awesome interview with LP Ciminelli and I really wish and hope for a real position with the company…I’m hoping that all the hard work and networking will get a position in Construction Management…if I don’t I really don’t know where I am going to work…I’ve decided I don’t want to get my PhD…not right now anyway…I just want to graduate and get on with my life, where ever I am going to end up…I hope for Ciminelli for a few years at least, so I can work and get on my feet and save for things and become a real grown-up…whatever that means

I am tired of school, I don’t want to meet for anymore meetings I don’t want anymore projects I don’t want to be on anymore committees or run anymore anything…it is EXHAUSTING being president…I have no idea how Barrack does it…I can’t even pee without people coming to talk to me…like seriously back the hell off…I have to hide and even then people are texting, gchatting, like I can’t just get away and no one ever wants to just talk to me, they all want something…I totally get when people say its lonely at the top

Stupid Blogger just deleted my whole post....damn

It was about being president and how it sucks because you can't usually pee

I could lose my heart tonight...if you don't turn and walk away

So another fun date with Maikol last night...so why am I completely petrified? Well because that's just it...its so amazing and so wonderful I can't help but wait for the other shoe to drop, like he's in love with someone else, he is secret a giant jerk, he's really just mindfucking me...anything to prove me right about how dudes are all a-holes...and so far nothing, he continues to hold doors and say nice things and be sweet and funny and smart and it has been completely unnerved! Like I know I say I want to be proved wrong just once but this one is sooo easy and proving me wrong so quickly that I cant relax completely...

I'm not saying this because I want him to be a jerk or treat me like crap or use me...its just so different so quickly...and its so easy...I don't have to beg, plead and hope for him to like me or to take me out...it just happens...and we have fun and talk about any and everything and he wants to know about me and my family and things I like and what I like to do in my spare time, what I want to do with my life...and he listens and remembers and brought up meeting his mom again...which is in January...this time commitment thing is a big deal...I mean it's only October...

I am sitting here listening to sappy Chasing Amy version of Kiss the Rain feeling all sappy...its like I'm all girly again...all those songs I deleted off of my Ipod because I was sick of sappyness are slowly creeping back on...and I'm trying to learn better Spanish and find a job in Buffalo because he'll be here for the next 4 years finishing his PhD...and I said I would cook for him...seriously this is changing my life...its not exactly the life I planned on...but he even said after his PhD he would move back to California because he likes it and misses it...and he asked me where I am going to be living in May because his roommate is graduating ...all of this gives me serious heart palpitations...but its also kind of nice

I notice I am in a better mood and I actually tell my mom I love her (which I do pretty infrequently because it just seems weird for me)...and I mean it...and I don't find anything really deal breaking about him...like I think its hysterical that he has no idea how pancakes are made, and cute that he's never been to a play (until we went) and doesn't understand the point of intermission...and that he ate his first pickle last night (he wasn't sure if you should eat the outside of it, I had no idea they don't have pickles in Peru)...and that he told me I am his first American friend...

Wow this could be either the best thing ever...or the worst thing to happen to me...I know I shouldn't hide from this...even though being open and honest in this type of situation is freakishly hard for me...

I think It's something like being Lucy Ricardo

So I have begun my journey into the Latin American lifestyle...apparently just diving right in

Maikol and I went with some friends of his to a salsa place downtown and I have to say it was a lot of fun...maybe even more fun than I expected but things were good...Maikol was very patient as I stumbled through my first salsa however I did amaze him with my merengue talent...all those years of watching Selena helped pay off

However, everyone in the room has clearly been classically trained...like they were out of control...I only know the basic steps but the boys thought I did great...it was hard to sit down and relax because the boys were rotating...so just when I thought I could sit after a dance Pepe or Ricardo or someone would come up...the next day my legs killed but it was fun and totally worth it

So I have taken about 8 1/2 years of Spanish so I thought I was pretty sweet...until I got around all of Maikol's friends...they all speak so fast I can only understand about every 2nd or 3rd word...but they try to speak English for me which is nice and I try to speak/understand Spanish

On the way home Maikol and I were talking in the car and he is like genuinely interested in what I say and do...which is nice...and he tells me random things about his family, his country, etc...his mom is coming in January and he wants me to meet her so that she can cook me real Peruvian food.

Yesterday we went to lunch after I got out of work and we went to this place called La Tolteca and the food was pretty good...I was a little surprised because its in Williamsville and well they aren't exactly known for their Mexican cuisine.

Last night we planned on going to the movies, I called him and he didn't answer and didn't call back right away so of course in crazy girl mode I was worried that he didn't really want to go or that he didn't really like me or something...but then he called.....sigh...so we went to see Surrogates which was a pretty amazing movie..although Pepe brought it how the plot line could be applied to things like facebook where we socialize more but we interact less...Maikol laughed and whispered not to say anything because I love facebook...haha...then he walked me to my car and said that he will see me this coming weekend and he will plan something fun for us...sigh...during the movie Maikol asked me if I liked the movie and I told him I did but I couldn't figure it out...so he tried to explain it to me...I tried to tell him that I meant I was trying to figure out the end...so I guessed a random plot point which turned out to be true and he looks at me and says (completely sincere) "wow, you're really smart" and I just laughed. It's nice...I'm smitten...and he totally wore cologne last night...and well he sure wasn't wearing it for Pepe...haha

So I really like him...after I gave up on boys I randomly met Maikol...and he's really really great...he walks on the outside of the street, holds every door for me, drives everywhere, pays attention when I talk, asks me how my day was, shares things with me...like things are different than with other guys, he never makes me feel bad, he calls when he says he will, he's not mean or sarcastic...it's just nice

I'm trying to just let things go and see how they turn out...which is hard for me...but I'm having a great time

I have Liz's wedding coming up in 2 weeks and I want to ask him to be my date...I'm just nervous to do it...although I have two super cute dresses to choose from...a very cute burnt orange one and a slinky black one...I need some accessories but both could be really cute

I need to have girl friends...in a 10 mile radius...