So I know blog I promised I would pay more attention to you but well I am a big liar...you can't believe anything I say ever...I'm going to try but no promises (that's not a lie)
I have decided I am done posting about boys...they are just one big mindfuck and I can't take it anymore...where are the cute nice boys who don't want to just F-you and then think that's ok...I want to be wined and dined (preferably lots of wine)...and until this happens I am done obsessing about boys...this is a new leaf for me
This is happening because I watched Sex and the City the other day and Charlotte had one of her prim and proper freak outs about the 4 of them being completely genius but their conversations were always about guys and how lame were they...adn I realized I do the same thing...I never talk about politics or fun times or a new recipe I learned not to burn...I write about stupid boys all day long and I chat about stupid boys and well stupid boys are always on the brain...so with that being said...I am done...because I am a genius girl as well and have a lot to add to conversations
Speaking of which...I went to the outlets with Chris and Eric on Saturday...for those of you who don't know them...Eric is the nicest boy in the whole world, he never yells at anyone, never gets angry, is always polite...I am convinced this is all an act I mean seriously who can be all Pollyanna all the time? Unless you're a pod person...I mean really...but when I went to his house I didn't see a podlike cocoon that he could sleep in at night...although I didn't go in the basement...isn't that where those things are usually kept? Basements creep me out though...especially after John told me that a killer clown was waiting for me near the laundry hamper...John is evil, don't let him fool you..
Sorry for that tangent....so back to Eric, I decided that I was going to make it my mission to make him crack, I'm a little evil and I like to try new social experiments everyday
So I think how can I possibly be annoying enough for him to yell at me...I mean there are multiple routes I could take...the incessant talking, hitting him repeatedly, pretending to have tourette's...the possibilities are endless...
I go with the incessant talking while he's driving, which goes something like this:
me: So that's where I used to grocery shop (points to Wegmans) OMG I love pizza hut do you like pizza hut
Eric: sure
me: Have you ever been go-karting?
Eric: no
me: OMG you totally should although I think there's a chance you'd die so i personally wouldn't
Eric: silence
me: Down that road is where I went to tea for my birthday...
Eric: How did you find out about that place?
me: I read Eric..GOD that's what's wrong with America...it was so much fun have you ever gone for tea? It was amazing they had little sandwiches and scones and Meagan came and we learned how to dunk our tea bags and balls and we had a birthday cupcake
Eric: Kim, please I don't care
me: You don't care about me? I mean what kind of friend are you. I'm just making conversation
Eric: I am trying to drive Kim (I should mention now Eric drives super proper, like hands on 10 and 2 and doesn't look around unless its driving related...no radio station changing either...clearly he's not a real American...I mean who doesn't multi-task...I put on mascara, text, and drink my Starbucks all while driving)
me: So does that mean you can't talk to me? I should just sit in silence and stare out the window? I am a social person Eric I can't help who I am..don't try to change me!
Eric: Kim I'm nto trying to change you I am just focusing on the road
me: Fine I'll just die of boredom then...thanks for the great day
Eric: silence...sigh...what would you like to talk about?
me: Nothing now...why do I have to start all the conversations anyway? Can't you ever start one for once? I mean this friendship is a two-way street
Eric: long pause...exasperated sigh...ok, well what did you do yesterday?
me: Shouldn't you focus on the road? Are you trying to kill me? I am precious cargo Sir! Should I bring a helmet next time? I mean good lord...some people!
Eric: silence
me: Aren't you glad you know me?
Eric: gives a half smile
me: I'll talk that smile to mean "I am extremely lucky to know you, so much so that I can't describe in words"
Eric: silence
So we arrived at the outlets and I couldn't get Eric to crack...him telling me he didn't care was as close as I got to him changing out of that cheery mood...which just convinces me he must be a pod person...what are the signs a person is a pod person? and how do you know if they are benevolent, just want to live on earth or if he's waiting for the perfect time to suck out my brains and make me a pod person too?
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