Monday, March 30, 2009

How Could you Be So Heartless...

Yea basically I love quoting song lyrics...but here's today's story

I realized today that I am completely over Doug...like I saw him today and he tried to talk to me and nothing...no butterflies, no giddiness, no nervousness...I just stared at him while he talked and thought about how sad he was...how he had built up such ridiculous defenses that kept him away from someone he really cared about until they had completely given up...about how he looked so sad as he tried to painfully make conversation with me at a time when i could care less...Obviously I saw a bit of myself in him, because I generally do the same thing...sometimes I wonder if its like a Pisces thing for us to keep our feelings bottled up for so long that we miss opportunities...I mean me, Doug, Sam all the same and well in the case of me and Doug at least it's freakishly similar. So I should work to change this right? Because what if Sam is the same? That he's only seeing that hag because she pursued him, made it easy and he feels like he should like her? I mean what if he liked me but he never thought I liked him and we missed out on a chance for happiness? I would never forgive myself...

Here's the deal...I had this psychic reading that said that he would make the first move and it would lead to ultimate happiness for me...so I have been holding off on saying anything...I mean part of me is deathly afraid of what he'll say but part of me thinks I should just say something. I'm petrified at the potential of the silence after I say "hey I don't know if you know but I like you"

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