Newsflash!!

I have started a new blog that I am sharing with Neda...if you don't see enough updates here....well read the new one...we update pretty frequently there

http://mostlybecausewerenerds.blogspot.com

Check it out!!

P.S. There's an update of my blind date on there...super awesome/lame

Oh I almost forgot...Happy Holidays!!

Brian says I don't update enough...

So general update:

Mike & I are done, and have been for awhile, maybe I was in mourning because I didn't feel like talking about it, maybe I thought things would change...they won't...I can't explain what happened because well I don't really understand...we talked about things and he's really too emotionally stunted...he likes me but not enough to call it anything...he confronted me as if my views of dating were skewed...I don't understand why people aren't honest.

I can now focus on un-fucking up my life...focusing on things that work well, focusing on my career and focusing on friends and family and finding some sort of financial stability.

Been being a bit more social...I have volleyball and I have happy hours with some of my favorite friends...been making an effort to go to social things I am invited to and less work stuff...my boss got fired anyway so i feel like I can do what I want...new boss is okay, don't know that I trust him yet but we'll see...he thought my idea for an internal young professionals group was a good idea. He's taking it to the execs to see if anyone buys into it...I hope they will...I think it would be fun.

This weekend is kind of exciting...last night went to the movies with some of the MUPs...saw TRON...eww don't bother, all I could think was wow that's two hours I will never get back...tonight going with Tim to a party at Chad & Carolyn's...got a baller bottle of Absolut Limited Edition to exchange...who doesn't love alcohol? Besides Muslims and Jehovah's Witnesses I mean...tomorrow going to the Trans Siberian Orchestra with Tim and crew...should be fun, I've never gone before...I don't know exactly what to expect other than some sort of orchestra-ish-ness so who knows?

Next week the highlights include: Volleyball and going to see It's A Wonderful Life with Tim at this new theatre in Amherst that also serves alcohol..it's like best of both worlds...and now I don't have to smuggle in a magic bottle

Maybe I will even update next week

Everyone should read A Girl's Gotta Eat!

So today I read A Girl's Gotta Eat!   and she had this to say about a recent guy she had dated/seen

"He would have completely engulfed my need to be ‘wanted’ and caring and sweet.  I don’t want that. I'm ready for someone in my life who drives me to be a better person, someone who challenges me and questions my intentions and ruffles my feathers.  Someone who is a man that is not afraid of an independent woman.  I have friends, I want to hang out with them.  I love my job, I want to work late. I know you have friends, I want you to spend time with them. I want to go to California, I am going to go to California.  I want someone to take random adventures with me and appreciate the spontaneity of life"

And I couldn't help to think"Hey that sounds ideal!"...sort of...considering my string of failed attempts at romance maybe I should re-work what I'm looking for  a bit...or maybe stick to it for once


I want all of those things AGG2E had to say...especially the better person, challenger, feather ruffler part....I don't want someone who is going to kowtow to me...it would never work and I would run all over him...I want someone who will let me be silly but doesn't let me get ridiculous without calling me out on it...I do want someone to push the grocery cart though...I HATE HATE HATE pushing the grocery cart, I feel like it hinders my ability to wander around the supermarket...and the last thing I want is to be fenced in!

I think I have been so fixated on wanting a boyfriend that I've been apt to settle for whatever comes my way rather than really choosing someone who is good for me...not just a good guy. So I guess we'll see...

In other news hanging out with a new boy...or rather a new old boy...likes years ago...and its fun times so far...I'll keep you posted on that...p.s. totally swearing off men named Mike...all of them have been bad news bears...and I'm done striking out

Work is ridiculous as per uuse...my boss got fired and now everyone is all over the place and I feel like I am just treading water hoping someone will throw me a life preserver....I need some direction here please! I keep having this overwhelming sense of finality...as if this is the make or break period....or maybe I'm just going to be fired....that would be QUITE a Christmas present...we'll see...

Longoria-Parker

I don't know what it is about this couple but it makes me sad that they're breaking up...there was something really genuine and fun and loving about them....I know the media is going crazy about it but I just really think it's sad....it's sad when a love affair gets ruined by life...

Obviously they had some issues, even if she doesn't see them...something happened in the relationship to change the love...and to have every word you said/action you did all over the news must sting a lot more than anything the normal person goes through.....

So I'm mildly dramatic

Mike just called to see how my day was and tell me what a hit my cookies were at school (I made him take a bunch to school for me so I wouldn't eat them all)...turns out he was in the lab day, after staying up until 5am working on a model...sometimes I forget how school is...

Bottom line: we talked for like 3 minutes but he just called to check in and say hey....that's cute right?

Do other people ever feel like this?

So things are going relatively well with Mike...actually I can't complain...at all...which is new...he pays attention to me, he is genuinely interested in things I say, we have a good time together....so why am I sitting here mopey? I could say it was this gloomy rainy day but its my own insecurities....I really like Mike and that scares the crap out of me...it would be easier if he didn't really like me or if he treated me like crap, at least I would know what to expect...but with someone who genuinely cares...what do I do with that? Get comfortable? What if he decides tomorrow that this is all a mistake and pulls away and I'm left staring out into the world? What if I have completely read this all wrong and he has no interest in me at all and again I'm left? Maybe I have abandonment issues...I'm assuming...or maybe I'm just not used to relationships that might work out...this mopey feeling all started when he didn't answer the phone or call me back right away...which is silly, sometimes he has school...or maybe he's doing work...or he had a crappy day at school and doesn't want to talk....I mean right?? So why am I sooo crazy?

I guess there are things that are worse than a broken heart right?

Someone should explain that to my mind...